homesick

State Motto: Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Currently listening: "The Millwhistle" By Jalan Crossland From "Moonshiner'

________________________

*Sigh* I don't like it here. I don't like school, it's becoming a hassel, especially the Government and History classes I have. I don't like work, as Kmart is the more poorly managed place I have ever worked for. Everyone expects everyone else to do the job that needs to be done. People don't show up for work, and they're not replaced, so we have to work short-handed, and everyone suffers. Everyone gets stressed out and crabby.

I don't like not seeing my parents for so long at a time. At first it was cool; I was on my own, doing my own thing. But man, it's starting to take its toll. I'm really broke all the time now, I can barely afford to pay my rent, television, internet, and cell phone bills. I could give something up of those...television would be the only logical one to give up, really. I use the internet far too much to give that up. Why spend $1300 on a computer and just use it as a word processor? Might as well buy a typewriter. I can at least watch movies and play Nintendo on a TV with no cable...and the cell phone is a must, as it is my ONLY phone. And I have free long distance, which I need to talk to my parents, sister, Jill, Wes, Lacey, anyone, really.

I hate living by myself. Having no one to talk to. Sitting in a bed all the time when I'm here, because there's no room for a couch in this place. I never talk to Wes anymore. Things weren't this lonely until this semester started up again. We NEVER talk. Once, we went for a whole week without talking on the phone, even though I sent him many voicemails during that week. He did email me once, but that doesn't count. We went from talking every night for an hour, to maybe every other night for 10 minutes. I hate it. When we do talk, all we do is bitch about what's going on in our lives. Now that's cheery, eh?

I may be a loner, but you can only be by yourself for so long before it starts to get to you. I guess I'm not as much of a loner as I thought I was when I lived back home, but that's because I had my parents and sister there all the time. And I love 'em. I love hanging around with them, talking with them, and just being at home...it's a really nice feeling. I don't have that here. I have a stuffed animal and internet friends. Jill and I try to hang out once a week at least, and do our "roomie thing," but we didn't get to do that this week 'cause of work or being busy or something else...it just didn't happen this week.

I get depressed like this a lot. A lot more than I ever did when I lived with someone else. I really don't think I should live by myself. It's not good for me.